Oscar’s heart

I am currently editing a story I wrote together with my friend for life Jennifer K. Garcia. The story is about a girl who is in a bad place going worse. The story evolves around an unexpected relationship that ends in a epic event.

Currently the story is start to end done, but the story line isn’t…entirely correct. It misses consistency and many of the scenes should be written into either more extensive detail or anachronisms need to be removed.

I have looked at the scenes and they are also under consideration to be reordered.

To give you a ‘teaser’ of the story:

I noticed a change in posture. Like a moment ago when Ally didn’t respond to inquiries, she slowed her breathing, but deepened it with a sigh. Her facial expression changed.

‘I will check what his agenda says, don’t activate the protocol, without oversight please.’

The other girl said sternly, followed by a wry smile at Ally. Then she turns she walks out of the room.

‘Allison….why did your expression change a moment ago?
I read differences in neural patterns, but I don’t understand.
Did you activate a subroutine?’

I asked when the door closes behind her.

The mention of certain words will already give some indication on the direction and genre of the story. This is a scene that I have rewritten, yet am still not too happy with. Likely you will see it in another post being rewritten again.